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1/25/2017

Living With Intention

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The virtues of being Mindful ​

What is a purposeful life?   If you are not living a purposeful life, what kind of life are you living?  Is it accidental, unintentional, or does it seem at times as other forces are influencing what you do on a daily basis?  Do you get to decide how you think, feel, and behave every day or do you feel less in control of who you are in the moments that pass throughout the day?    Are you driving the car or are you letting the car take you where it wants to go?  Sometimes it can seem that the car takes us away and that we somehow magically arrive at our destination as we seemingly detach from the driving experience as we are in the process of driving.  That sounds a bit silly but when you stop to think about this for a second, I bet you can think of several times when maybe you adopted a more passive role in your life and waited for things to happen rather than taking the initiative to make things happen the way you wanted or intended.  

Living a purposeful life starts with being in the moment and being mindful of your thoughts and feelings.  Being in the moment is simply focusing on the here-and-now.  It is sometimes easier to describe mindfulness and being in the moment by first stating what it is not.  Mindfulness is not thinking about what will happen later today, tomorrow, or later this week.  It is not spending hours of the day trolling through social media, texts, and email on your computer or cell phone.  It is not worrying about if something bad will happen,  being in a rush to get to school, splitting your attention among multiple projects, or sitting on the couch while you unconsciously eat a pint of Rocky Road ice cream.   There is a growing movement in the field of mindfulness research that shows that being present and in the moment and being intensely focused and mindful of yourself and your immediate surroundings leads to reduced emotional and psychological distress and a greater sense of well-being.  (Carmody & Beer, 2008; Lau et al.,2006; )  

Being mindful is simply being aware of what is going on in and around you. It's being aware of thoughts and feelings, allowing them to occur, not attaching our judging them, but simply observing and experiencing them, as if you were watching them from the bank of a stream as they float by.    Mindfulness can be a form of meditation.  For thousands of years, meditation has been well documented in its effects of increasing a sense of well being and positive health.

Mindfulness has many practical purposes and has been used globally, in meditative circles, for centuries, if not millennia. Professionally, mindfulness has been utilized for decades in the treatment of anxiety, depression, stress management, PTSD, AD/HD, weight management, and chronic pain management.   Take anxiety for example.   When you worry about something, you are thinking about something you anticipate happening in the future. Some have referred to this as praying for what you don’t want.   You hope it doesn’t happen, but you worry that it might.  If the unpleasant thing does happen, that is unfortunate.  Hopefully you have taken active steps to minimize its effect on you.  If you spend hours or days worrying about it, you have essentially doubled your stress about it.  If it doesn’t and you continue to worry about it, you still have contributed to the stress in your life.  Your thoughts become fixated on the thing you choose to worry about, and you likely miss out on what is happening around you, at that moment  With mindfulness, you  choose what to do with your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  You can continue to fixate and ruminate about these thoughts.  You can try to ignore the thoughts.  Or, you can be mindful of the thoughts and feelings as they occur.  Keep reading for an example of mindfulness meditation.  

I believe that to first start living a purposeful life, one needs to truly be aware of what they value the most.  Many of my clients have told me that what is important to them, among other things, is their health, their career or academic achievements, family, exercise, leisure and recreational time, safety and security, spirituality, meaningful friendships and relationships, and emotional stability.   It is often what we value the most the guides our behavior.  Yet I think many people who aren’t living a purposeful life, often get de-railed or sidetracked from what is important to them.  This may be, in part, due to stress, competing demands, or other distractions that lead us in different directions than we intended.  

There are so many electronic devices, gadgets, and social media outlets that purport to help you get and stay organized, connect with others, and network with the world at large.  I'll be the first to admit that many of these devices and outlets do this very well.  Yet I wonder sometimes if the electronic revolution that keeps rolling on at break-neck speeds is truly enhancing our quality of life.  After all, we spend so much time planning for the future, connecting with others, organizing our busy schedules, and working harder at being successful, I wonder if we are missing what is happening right now, in the present moment, within ourselves.  Are we failing to appreciate the here and now and all the wonderful potential things that happen in the moment.  As John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.”  .  

Example of Mindfulness
I was driving home the other evening after a long day of torrential rain.  The clouds in the west were starting to break up just as the sun was setting.  It looked like the sky was on fire as the sun reflected beneath the storm clouds.  There were wonderful hues of orange, lavender, red, pink, yellow, and orange. I had just finished a very busy and rather hectic day in the office and my mind was still racing with the events of the day.  Yet this moment so strongly captured my attention that I had to pull the car over and soak in the moment.  In that moment, it felt good to just be.

At that moment I became intensely focused on the beautiful sight in front of me.  I started to focus simply on my breathing.  I had been listening to some soft music in the car that simply became background noise that I did not let interfere with what quickly evolved into a very mindful experience for me.  I continued to simply focus on my breathing and the visual masterpiece in front of me.  Thoughts of the day passed through my mind.  I did not become disturbed or irritated with this.  I simply and casually observed my thoughts and gradually brought my attention back to my breathing and to the visually stunning colors in front of me.  I continued to remain in this scene for many minutes. As those minutes passed, I noticed the tension in my body, casually observing and noticing while continuing to breath.  I noticed sounds around me.  I did not let them distract me and gradually and effortlessly returned my attention on what and where I wanted to focus.   I began to feel more calm and peaceful in the moment and generally felt a sense of general well being begin to grow within me.   As the sun began to diminish and the sight began to fade, I returned to my surroundings in my car and proceeded to continue my journey  home.   Yet in doing so, I continued to be very focused on what was around me as I resumed my breathing in an uninterrupted way.

This experience reminded me that often enough, the more things we have in our life that purport to improve the quality of our lives, only distract us from being more centered and focused on what is important, ourselves and our overall well-being.  Returning to what is important, and being mindful in the present moment, helped me to reduce background stress, quiet anxiety and stress- filled thinking, and helped me to foster and inner peace that I think is so elusive today in not just my life, but most people’s lives that exist in the very busy and frantic world of today.

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10/17/2014

Ten Things You Can Do (right now) to Maintain Good Mental Health

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Thanks to all who read and responded to my last blog.  It was wonderful to hear the positive comments people shared.   It was very personal and it's never easy to put one’s self out there like that.  As I wrote the blog for this week, I have to say that I enjoyed it more than I thought.  Its very satisfying being able to write about something that you are knowledgeable about and love. Hopefully you will find the following ideas informative and helpful.  I also hope that it generates some ideas for yourself as well.   As you read through these, you may comment to yourself, “I knew that!”  The bigger question is “Are you doing any of these things?”  Yes, I know, sometimes its easier said than done.  Yet, some of these things take very little effort and yield surprisingly positive results.  You can always come up with excuses not to try.  “I’m too busy.” or  “Work, school, kids, or routine, leaves me little time for anything else.”  But ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen if you tried?  What’s the best that could happen?  And finally, what’s realistic?  Have any additional words of wisdom?  Please share at the end of this post!


  1. Stay Connected. - Let’s face it (no not let’s Facebook), we are social creatures.  If we aren’t connected, if we don’t have at least one meaningful relationship that we nurture and work at, we aren’t grounding ourselves, and we can become down and isolated.  Isolation can often lead to, or be the result of depression.  Try to surround yourself with people that are positive and who enrich your life.  If you haven’t reached out to that friend or family member in awhile, what’s holding you back? Again, what’s the worst that could happen?  Friends and family know us best and can be great sources of support when we need them most.  Facebook is OK, but next time you connect with a friend there, suggest a get together or some activity you both enjoy.  Also, seek out new people in activities such as a social club, class, or support group.                               
  2. Eat Well. - There are so many benefits to a healthy diet.  For example, foods rich in Folic Acid and/or B12, such as beans, greens, meats, fish, poultry and dairy have shown potential positive effects on mood, and can potentially prevent some central nervous system disorders such as dementia.  Eating at least 2 servings of fruits and vegetables every day has a high correlation with overall improved functional health.  Eating whole grains that usually contain the mineral Selenium, which is an antioxidant, has also shown some promising results.  Several studies have yielded positive correlations in decreased problems with depression with those individuals that consume foods high in antioxidants.  Try eating more beans, legumes, lean meats, nuts, and seafood to increase your Selenium intake. Vitamin D deficiencies have also been correlated with several mood disorders, including PMS, Major Depressive Disorder, and Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as “The Winter Blah’s”   Short spans of sun exposure and eating salmon, tuna, cheese, and eggs can boost your Vitamin D levels.  Oh, I almost forgot:  CHOCOLATE!  Yes, dark chocolate in particular can have the effect of boosting those “feel good” chemicals” in the brain called “endorphins.”  Some studies have also shown that small amounts of this tantalizing delicacy can also have anti-clogging properties to our arteries.  But please remember the rule, all good things in moderation.   Avoid, large portions of high sugary foods that can boost your mood for a short time but then leave you feeling tired and lethargic after about an hour or so.  Instead, use foods high in complex carbohydrates for sources of energy that are better utilized by your body.  Some studies have also suggested that foods high in saturated fats can also increase depressed feelings in a person.  So its OK to treat yourself on occasion, but do so moderately.                                                                                                                                     
  3. Exercise - Exercise has a way of helping us increase or sense of well-being and adds to our overall belief that we are doing something that is good for us.  It is also a basic requirement for our bodies to function at their best.  Research has repeatedly shown that exercise also has the added benefit of releasing in large quantities those “feel good” chemicals, endorphins, that are our body’s own built-in painkillers.  The nice thing is that you don’t have to go out and run a marathon to reap the benefits of endorphins; 15-30 minutes of moderate activity can bring about these wonderful neurotransmitters, as long as you are increasing your heart rate to a moderately safe level.   Exercise is also a nice way of being able to get away, have “me time”, and distract ourselves from the daily stress and grind that we so often find ourselves in.  It can also be meditative which in itself is beneficial to our mental health.  Joining an athletic club can not only have benefits to your physical health but there’s a social aspect to it as well.                                   
  4. Time Out - Admittedly, we all need a break now and then.  I would say this should occur at least twice per day when we pause from our daily routine.  Sometimes even 5 or 10 minutes away from stressful situations at work or at home is all we need to collect our thoughts and re-focus ourselves in ways that are both beneficial to our mood and help us to be more productive.  Sometimes trying to “push-through” and work ourselves into a state of “zombie-like coma” can have diminishing results.  If we are tired, hungry, or stressed, we are not as productive, and our critical thinking and sense of judgment starts to decline.  So take a break.  If you haven’t had a vacation in awhile, take one.  At minimum, take a mini one or two-day vacation to mentally and physically unwind.  During your work day, try not to work through your lunch.  Instead, take the time that you are owed to unwind and recharge your batteries.  You may be surprised at how much more productive you feel if you do.                                                                                          
  5. Sleep - Sometimes sleep is an elusive goal for us at various times in our lives.  There is certainly overwhelming studies that correlate problems with sleep with mood difficulties.  To ensure your best chances of getting a restorative full-night’s sleep, try the following

  • Try reading in bed instead of watching TV.  Also, try to avoid reading from a backlit device as this light will confuse your brain that its not time for sleep yet.

  • Make your room where you sleep as dark as possible.  Also, try to increase your light exposure during the day time hours.  

  • Whenever possible, avoid alcoholic beverages before bedtime.  They have the paradoxical effect of making you drowsy for the first hour or so and inducing sleep more quickly, but it reduces your time in a stage of sleep  called REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement) which is the type of sleep when you dream.  REM sleep has been shown in research as a form of restorative sleep everyone needs to feel refreshed in the morning.  If you're not getting it, you may feel more tired in the morning.  In addition, once the effects of alcohol wears off after a few hours, you may wake up feeling restless and unsettled as the chemical after-effects of alcohol kick in, making it that much more difficult to return to sleep.

  • Set a regular bedtime and wake up at the same time every day.

  • Keep your room cool.

  • As a rule of thumb, try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night.  If you get less than that, and if you have the opportunity, take a short nap during the day, (not in the evening before you go to bed however.)

  • Remember, evening time is the time to unwind.   If you are increasing your activity at night, it will be harder for you to unwind and convince your body that it is time to rest.  

  • Cut or reduce the caffeine and cigarettes.                                                                                            
 6. Get outside and enjoy nature  - The next time that you are on a nature hike, or at a park, or during a moment when you are observing something in nature, take a moment to recognize the impact it has on your thinking and mood.  No, don’t pick up your phone to answer that text or email.  Unplug and allow Mother Nature, one of the most accessible abundant resources around to work her magic on your disposition and mood.  Nature can be energizing, it can be calming, it can be meditative, and it certainly can be therapeutic.  Take advantage of all she has to offer.

 7. Talk about your thoughts and feelings. - It isn’t always easy to share when something is bothering us.  It sometimes feels risky to allow our vulnerabilities to be seen by someone else.  While it is a risk, it is also immensely therapeutic under the right circumstances.  In order for this to work, you need to have someone you trust with whom you  can talk about and share your personal thoughts and concerns.  Start with a close friend or family member who you know will not violate your trust.  If you are not comfortable with this, a pastor, minister, or support group are nice alternatives. Counselors and therapists are very good objective listeners who are trained to not let personal bias interfere with the therapeutic process and can be very helpful in helping you arrive at solutions that you might not have tired when facing a personal problem or dilemma.  

 8. Pay attention to the running ticker tape of thoughts going through your brain.
There are literally thousands of thoughts that cross our minds every day.  The National   Science Foundation estimates that number to be somewhere in the ballpark of 50,000!  How can we possibly keep track of it all.  The truth is that many of these thoughts are recurring ideas that get recycled over and over again that influence how we think and feel about ourselves and the world around us.   Our beliefs about ourselves affect our thinking, our thinking affects our moods, which in turn influence our core beliefs.  The next time you are feeling happy, confident, or enthusiastic, pay attention to what your train of thoughts are at the time.  Maybe you had just finished a To Do List and are thinking a sense of accomplishment that influences your self-esteem.  Maybe you just had dinner with a group of friends.  Your thoughts could be, “I belong and they like me.”   On the other end of the spectrum, by not reaching out to others and isolating yourself, you may be reinforcing negative thinking such as “What’s the point, everyone is too busy anyway and no one has time for me.”  This in turn influences feelings of loneliness and despair.   These thoughts and feelings may or may not be realistic.  Yet it is the subjective perception of the person experiencing these thoughts that counts.  If negative thoughts are permitted to continue, this can have profound impact on a person’s mood.  Learning how to recognize and break this cycle of thinking is very important to maintaining good mental health.

 9. Help someone else in need. -  There are few things in life that can be more satisfying     in recognizing someone in need and being able to help satisfy that need.  It can add meaning and purpose to your life as well as a sense of accomplishment and improved self-worth.  It is also a way of connecting with others and maintaining the quality of relationships with those that are important in your life.  Helping others helps boost our need of feeling valued and important and boosts our self esteem.  Volunteering has often shown very positive results, not only for the one being helped, but for the helper as well.  It helps us remain connected and add friends to our lives.  It also can help us learn new skills and even advance our careers or personal goals.  

10. Do What You Love. Need a boost to your self esteem?  Feeling as if you haven’t had any significant successes lately?   Its time to return to what you know you can do well.  Being able to recognize your strengths and what you love to do is important to building and maintaining self-esteem and ego strength.  Often what we love to do is also what we are good at.  It helps us enjoy ourselves and our abilities.  In the every increasingly busy world in which we live, our demands on our time seems constantly bombarded with competing tasks and agendas.  Make sure you are carving some of that time for what you like to do and what you enjoy.  

There are certainly many things that  you can do besides the 10 listed above to maintain good mental health.  If there is something that works for you, please feel free to share and post a comment.    




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    Categories

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    Addiction
    Anxiety
    Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
    Depression
    Divorce
    Forgiveness
    Goal Achievement
    Good Mental Health
    Impulse Spending
    Less Is More
    Making A Change
    Moving Forward & Personal Empowerment
    Preparing For Counseling
    Relationship Problems
    Stress Managment
    Time Management

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    Brent Bernard is a Master's Level Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor with over 25 years of experience in the state of Ohio.  

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