Helping Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder to Manage Behaviors and Feelings

Parents and children alike can become very discouraged and frustrated when a child has moderate to significant attention difficulties.   These children often struggle with controlling their bodies.  They have difficulty with focus and concentration.  They can be impulsive, can appear socially awkward or inappropriate, might be failing school or receiving bad grades, and have difficulties with motivation, self-direction, self-confidence, and self-esteem.    A child that has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder is at a disadvantage from other children as their learning, both social and academic, can become impaired as a result of their difficulties.  Yet with the right understanding and interventions, and a good deal of patience, parents can provide children with the right tools for their children to not only succeed, but thrive.  


                        Things Which to Be Aware

• Children with attention difficulties are not blatantly ignoring you or willfully disobeying you.
  
  
• Children with attention difficulties want to keep their rooms organized, they want to not lose track of their belongings, they want to relax and remain still, they want to comply with parental and teacher requests, they just don’t know how.  
  
  
• Children with attention difficulties often become exasperated and overwhelmed when faced with a challenging task or assignment.  They may try to talk their way out of it or even lie to avoid responsibility because, in their minds, it may seem more difficult than it actually is.  This does not make them bad children.  Calling them or labeling them “Bad” or “Liar” or “Dumb” however may create the expectation in their minds that this is who they are and that expectation shapes their behavior.  
  
  
• Responding to children in positive and constructive ways is always much more effective in the long term than responding to them in a punitive and angry manner.
  
  
• How many times have you heard your child say, “I didn’t hear you” almost immediately after you gave them instructions?   They may have heard you but the meaning of what you said may not have reached the part of the brain that processes it in a meaningful way.   “I didn’t hear you.” can mean much more than actually hearing what you said.
  
  
• Children with attention difficulties often have problems with executive functioning; they “act” before they “think”, often on impulse alone.  They lack the capacity to plan ahead.
  
  
• The impact on other family members of the home is often met with frustration, exasperation, and sometimes desperate and possibly harmful attempts to manage or control the child’s behavior.
  
  
• Parents sometimes feel angry toward their child for their out of control behaviors, which later transitions to guilt for having responded angrily or aggressively to their child’s impulsive and unwanted behavior.
  
  
• Children with attention difficulties often struggle with self-confidence and self esteem
  
  
• Children with attention difficulties often struggle with social learning and adapting to social environments in which engagement with others is required.  
  
  

                          Things Parents Can Do

1. Try to always respond in a positive or constructive manner.  Spending time processing with your child how to manage and learn from unproductive behavior may seem time-consuming and labor-intensive at first.  Yet think of how much time you have spent constantly repeating yourself and correcting your child.  Now imagine  how much time in the future you can expect to devote to “more of the same.”  It is worth spending more time in the short-term in order  to prevent even more costly time constantly repeating instructions again and again in the future?
   
   
2. Spend extra time with your child engaged in meaningful and healthy activities they enjoy.  A child can never get too much TLC.  This alone can yield such positive results in shaping a child’s behavior. A child that feels wanted and loved wants to do better.  
   
   
3. Pick your battles.  If your child gets two out of three things right, don’t focus on the one thing they got wrong.  Reinforce what they are doing right and help them learn to apply what worked in that situation to other situations.  
   
   
4. Children with attention difficulties greatly benefit from a consistent routine and clear structure.  Use timers and alarms.  Strive to achieve the same bedtime and wake-up time every day, including weekends.  The benefit of a good night’s rest should never be underestimated.  
   
   
5. Studying.  This should be done in as quiet and unstimulating place as possible. The fewer the distractions the better when a child is required to study or do his or her homework.
   
   
6. When needing to address your child, eye contact is essential.  If necessary, pause or turn off video games or TV in order to have meaningful communication and to better ensure proper retention of what you are saying to your child.  Also limit these activities, especially around bedtime.
   
   
7. Set an example for your child by keeping a clean and organized home.  Make sure that everything has its place and ensure that your child knows the places for each thing.   
   
   
8. Rules of the home and discipline should be kept simple, consistent, and with clear consequences if they are broken.  Always follow through with a consequence.  Always follow through with expected or promised rewards.
   
   
9. Use a behavior chart to track positive behavior.  Reward your child frequently, (not necessarily with food,) for positive behavior that can be reinforced.   Small frequent rewards work better than bigger long-term ones.  Accumulating small frequent rewards can be collected for larger ones in the future.   
   
   
10. Process with your child when they engage in unwanted behavior.  Ask your child how they could have handled it differently or demonstrate more socially appropriate behavior.  Have a zero tolerance for aggressive, violent, or bullying behavior.
    
    
11. Help your child to learn socially appropriate behavior around peers.  Children with attention difficulties should associate with children of similar age, skills, and physical abilities.
    
    
12. Try to avoid rescuing or taking over for your child when they are challenged with a difficult task and they want to give up early.  Let them complete it in their own time or take a break if they must, and then let them try again.  When a child can complete a difficult activity on their own, it helps them to build self-confidence and self-esteem.  
    
    
13. Re-examine and possibly adjust your expectations for your child for acceptable behavior.  They will nearly always have difficulties managing attention and hyperactive behavior.  Yet you as a parent can help guide them to manage this behavior as efficiently as is in their ability.  
    
    

                                  Healthy Lifestyle

1. Good nutrition.  Children with attention difficulties require a well balanced diet that consists of adequate protein, moderate carbohydrates, and fats.  Avoid junk food and foods high in sugar that may create peaks in hyperactivity.  Take a multivitamin/mineral supplement.  According to Psychcentral.com, some children with AD/HD may be deficient in vitamins, minerals, (Zinc and Iron) and Omega 3 fatty acids (fish, nuts, broccoli, spinach, olive oil;  avoid Omega 3 supplements).   Specifically, eat foods high in protein, including beans, eggs, cheese, and meats, and complex carbohydrates found in fruits and vegetables.  Avoid simple sugars found in candy and soda pop.  Some studies suggest artificial food coloring can increase hyperactivity but the studies are mixed on this point.
   
   
2. Adequate sleep cannot be overstated as critical to memory formation, behavior control, and overall general wellbeing.  These are very important to the attention-challenged child.  
   
   
3. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!  A hyperactive child greatly benefits from running off excess energy when permitted time to do so.  Outdoor activities, sports activities, and play time with other children encourages socialization, cooperation, and improves overall physical and mental health.  
   
   
4. Time in Nature - Research shows that children benefit from time spent in nature and can even experience a reduction in symptoms if playing in a park with grass and trees as opposed to a concrete playground.
   
   

There are many forms and kinds of treatments out there that are potentially very effective at managing attention difficulties and hyperactive behavior.  Counseling can play a part in a well-thought out intervention that includes work at home, school planning and intervention, and even psychiatric medications.  Treatment for each child should be individualized and specific to that child’s needs.  If you are concerned that your child may be struggling with AD/HD, please seek a counselor, teacher, pediatrician, or psychiatrist for further guidance and assessment to determine what treatment regimen might be best.