Thinking About Addictive Behavior Differently

Managing addictive or compulsive behavior can be difficult but it is not impossible.  In fact, it's the language of “impossibility” that many who struggle with addiction and compulsive behavior are plagued by and ultimately lead them to fall short in their goals, or altogether fail to even make an attempt to change.  Many individuals struggle with alcohol or drug use problems, Even more are challenged with impulsive spending, gambling, overeating, use of pornography, unwanted sexual behavior outside a committed relationship, and even compulsive shoplifting.  While these problems seem very different, there is one thing these individuals share, they believe that they have little control over their urges and there is little they can do to change their behavior.  Thus the cycle of perpetual addiction is maintained.   While managing unwanted behaviors and addiction is often difficult, it is far from impossible to overcome.  Success is entirely possible and within one’s grasp, if one is open to the possibility of change.  Here are several ideas to get you started if you have made a commitment to change.  If you haven’t committed yourself to change, read further anyway.  It may just be the impetus you need to start you down a path toward recovery.  


Building Motivation to Change  I’m sure there have been more than a few times that you have thought about why you might engage in behavior that you have started to question: “Is this right for me?”    To think about an unwanted behavior, be open to explore the reasons why you drink, use drugs, or engage in binge eating behavior.  Write them down.  How is this behavior helping you cope with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.  Then think about how this same behavior either positively or negatively influences those things that are important to you.  What do you value most in life and how is your addiction moving you toward or away from the things that you want in life?  Take an honest inventory of missed opportunities that resulted from addictive or compulsive behavior.  Think to yourself, “Is this really what I want for myself, my family and those close to me?”   


Do a Cost / Benefit Analysis    If you are having trouble finding the motivation to change, sometimes it is a good idea to explore how much benefit you are getting from the unwanted behavior.  To engage in addictive behavior means that the individual has at some point in time received some positive reinforcement from that behavior.  Otherwise why keep doing it, right?  So be realistic.   Take a sheet of paper and divide it into four quadrants.  In the first quadrant, at the top left, list the benefits for the addictive behavior.  Next to that, in the top right quadrant,  write the consequences to the addictive behavior.  Moving down to the lower left, list the benefits for engaging in the unwanted or addictive behavior.  Next to that, in the lower right, list the consequences for the addictive or unwanted behavior.  Once you have exhausted all of your reasons, pros and cons, go back and label each item as ST for “short-term” or LT for “long term”.  This simple exercise has often led to “ah ha” moments for some of my clients and has often been the impetus in helping them move toward effective and long sought after change.  


Have a Plan  Changing an addictive or compulsive behavior just doesn’t happen by itself.  There are many ways one can work toward change.  But managing addiction and bringing about change is not a “one size fits all” approach.  Spend time to develop a plan of action to gradually build to change over time.  If you have been successful with change in the past, reconsider using what works for you and stop doing what isn’t working now.  Set realistic goals and keep track of your progress.  If you can actively measure your progress and can actually see positive change happening, this may be just the motivation you need to see you through to success.  


Ride the Wave   Struggling with urges to drink, to use drugs, to binge eat, or engage in other unwanted behavior can be uncomfortable,  but they are not unbearable.  Telling yourself they are unbearable can make them so however.  Urges won’t kill you, they won’t cause you unending suffering and despair, and they are not the end of the world.  In fact, giving in to urges tends to make them stronger in the future.  The extensive research on addiction and managing unwanted compulsive behavior shows us that urges usually last only for a short time and then pass.  Sometimes they may come in batches but usually last only seconds to a minute each time, and rarely longer than this.  The important thing to know and understand is that urges are normal and expected when addiction is involved and not a sign that an addiction is getting worse.  Urges may seem stronger at first and sometimes later in recovery, and they can make it harder to resist an unwanted behavior.  However urges always weaken over time and eventually disappear.  It can be an empowering realization when one recognizes that engaging in the unwanted behavior is always a choice.  When you experience an urge, you have a choice to engage in the unwanted behavior or to ride it out until the urge subsides.  Gradually learn to ACCEPT that some moderate discomfort is normal and that the acceptance of this, rather than fighting the notion that this is somehow not normal and has to be immediately remedied will help you on the path to recovery.  


Distractions   Once you experience an urge, change how you respond to it.  Instead of raiding the food pantry for a snack, go for a walk, play with the kids, clean up the corner of the house.  Instead of focusing on the ruminating thought of wanting that Oreo cookie, take your concentration to something different.  Instead of reaching for the cigarette in the morning, find an activity that engages you, something important, that holds your interest, until the urge to smoke subsides and you can carry on with your normal routine.


Avoid imperatives   I often hear statements from individuals trying to quit “I NEED a drink.  “I’m having a horrible day.  “I HAVE TO get a cigarette.”  “If I don’t get some chocolate, I’m going to go crazy!  I MUST get some!” “Everyone else has nice things and I don’t.  I SHOULD go shopping.  I deserve it.”  Instead of telling yourself “I NEED a drink!”, focus on your goal, “I  want to be healthy” (and drinking is not helping me with this.)  “I want to look and feel better.” instead of “I HAVE TO get some chocolate.”  Change your NEED statements to what you WANT.  And then alter your behavior in the direction of the goal of what you want.   Do not sacrifice long-term goals for short-term immediate gratification.

 

Labels   Addict. Smoker. Drunk.  Fat.  Criminal.  Gambler.  These are all labels.   While labels help us make sense of the world by placing things into neatly identifiable categories, it is my experience that when working with addiction, they can not only not be helpful, but they can sometimes perpetuate the very unwanted behavior one is trying to avoid.    Labels can be disparaging, stigmatizing, and serve to change how one defines oneself.  If you think of yourself as an addict, you may be less inclined to resist urges as it becomes harder to think of oneself as anything but an “addict”.  When that label is applied, behaviors associated with addiction become normalized and expected.    For example;  “I just had to have a drink.  It's too powerful.  I can’t control it.  Let’s face it.  I’m a ‘drunk’ and I will always be a drunk. “   To make change more attainable,  it is important to rise above the disparaging label and recognize and embrace all of the other multifaceted qualities about yourself that you value and embrace.  What you may likely find are those qualities that you love about yourself are the same that are negatively affected by the unwanted behavior.   This blossoming awareness, serves two purposes: one is to discard unhelpful negative labels, and two is to increase your motivation for change by focusing on what you value and what is important in your life.


Alter Your Routine   Often embedded in our daily routines are those people, places, and things that trigger our behavior to drink, smoke, or overeat.  Unrealistic and irrational thinking creates uncomfortable feelings that lead to urges, or needs to indulge and give in to the urge.  By making simple and sometimes subtle changes in our daily routines, we can reduce or even eliminate our exposure to many of these triggers.  Identifying triggers is helpful but if you aren’t able to immediately identify the triggers, altering your routine can sometimes still bring about positive change.  If sitting on the couch to watch TV after getting home from school or work results in mindlessly opening and consuming a bag of potato chips, what can you do differently and what minor behavior changes can you do to prevent this from happening?   To paraphrase Albert Einstein, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results really isn’t the best way to make those results happen.  When making a behavior change, start small and gradually.  Pay attention to what results you are seeing with each change and evaluate its effectiveness.  If it works, do it more. If it doesn’t work, try something else, but don’t stop in your efforts.  


Start Small   If you are less confident in how much change is realistic for you, start slowly.  For example, if you are smoking a pack of cigarettes each day, and don’t think you can quit cold turkey, try cutting back to 15, 10, or 5  cigarettes per day.  Maybe you can alter when you smoke each day.  Instead of smoking in the morning, you can say, no smoking until after lunch.  Then gradually taper the number of cigarettes you smoke over a period of time.   


There are many things that one can do to move toward a healthy change in their life.  There are many support groups and counseling venues that you can try.  While you might struggle at first to find what treatment works best for you, the important thing is if one thing doesn’t work, don’t give up.  Try something different.  Just don’t stop trying.  Be curious about what approaches are out there and find what works for you.  


Challenging irrational beliefs about addiction, altering ways of thinking about unwanted behavior, and making small changes in one’s lifestyle are some of the main ingredients that I believe lead to effective recovery.  What is important is not to give up and to Keep Moving Forward.